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ALL THAT SEX
Forgive me, doctor, but,,,
It seems that it's addressed mainly to women,
- What's wrong with that? - You are a man,
But I've been working with both sexes for 20 years,
Are you saying men can't talk about female sexuality?
You're putting into my mouth,,,
That came out wrong, The question is,,,
Why is a book on sexual problems more for women than for men?
We could say that,
I've noticed that women are becoming increasingly confident and bold,
They're more eager to work on their sex life,
Men quite often disregard their partners' desires,
It's the men who have a problem, but it's the women who suffer,
I'll read this after all,
So, you do have a fetish?
I'm happy to have convinced you,
Aptly said,
What?
That guys can't communicate their desires?
I don't think so,
Going to the game is all the fun our guys want,
- Then read this book, - Oh yes, I will,
I'll borrow it when you're done,
Sure,
My sex life is a tragedy,
Doesn't happen often enough?
On the contrary,
Very good, Klaus, Very good,
- And you? Excuse me,,, - Yes?
What do you think about what the doc is saying?
That guys suck in bed?
Good point,
Thanks, bye,
Goodbye!
Artur Staruch's book in bookstores, starting tomorrow,
ALL THAT SEX
Marek?
May I ask you something?
I'd like to ask,,,
I can't, This is stupid,
Go on, don't be shy,
- Promise you won't judge me, - I won't,
You have to tell me now,
I'd like you to,,,
- What would you like? Say it! - Okay,
Come on!
I'd like you to,,,
take me by force,
What do you mean?
Well, I'd like you to,,, rape me,
MAJA AND MAREK
Am I doing something wrong?
No, it's just an idea,
From what I read, quite popular,
- I don't think so, honey, - You said you wouldn't judge,
Forgive me, I'm not, but,,,
come on, rape?
It's just a fantasy, you don't have to do it,
If you don't want to,
- Not now! - No?
Why not?
This has to be unexpected!
If you want it before the weekend, it has to be now,
Listen!
- I don't even want to know it was you, - What?
Who then?
It has to be you!
I don't want anyone else raping me but you,
- Understand? - Less and less,
We'll talk about it some other time,
Leave me alone, Just stop it,
Masochistic fantasy,
Pleasure out of humiliation and pain,
Very well,,,
I'll recheck the data before the deadline,
Great, I'll call back in five minutes, Can't talk now,
Bye,
Sorry, the meeting dragged on,
How was your day?
Fine, And yours?
It's the end of the quarter,
Fuck ups chasing fuck ups,
Oh my!
Horrible,
How's your cervical mucus?
Fine, thank you,
ALICJA AND ROBERT
That was something,
Pillow!
I love you too,
Hello? I'm back,
Twice a day,
throughout the fertility window, until ovulation,
In the recommended position,
And then after, I put my legs up for twenty minutes,
I've been doing this for two years,
So, please, doctor, don't tell me there is no problem,
- Do you have an orgasm? - Now? No,
During intercourse, during conception attempts,
Oh, no,
Robert does,
And you?
Yes,
It happens, Or happened before we got married,
Thank you,
You can get dressed,
What should I do?
Doctor, can an orgasm help?
Let this be your common goal,
The follicle is already very large, You will ovulate today,
Make good use of it,
Great, Robert loves targets,
Honey, I get it,
May I say something now?
I'm doing my best here,
Somehow it's not,,,
No, Zosia,
I'm just trying to explain,,,
Hello?
Dammit!
What was that?
- Give me back my phone! - What phone?
The SIM card at least,,,
Your 3 o'clock are here,
- Do we have that old phone? - Yes,
- Someone robbed me, - What?
Some punk just grabbed my phone,
- Charge it, I will need it, - Of course,
Right,
A blowjob,
- Great, Aleks, - Olek,
OLA AND OLEK
Olek, of course, Sorry,
Let's talk about oral stimulation,
Okay!
So,,,
- When she gives me a blowjob,,, - Say it to Ola,
- When you give me a blowjob,,, - Yes?
You are,,,
You're not doing it right,
- It's not a tragedy, - It is,
And when did you give me a good licking?
Do you remember at all? I don't,
Frequency is not the issue here, It's not the point, right?
I agree,
It's about our marriage still making sense,
How can you say that?
How could you say that?
- Calm down, - Are you insane?
From what I can see, you have communication difficulties,
Good sex is based on communication in the relationship,
I propose an experiment,
In the bedroom, don't be Ola and Olek tonight,
Have you heard of role-playing?
Sex-cosplay,
Dressing up,
It's not just about dressing up,
Be completely different people
who are not afraid to talk about their desires,
Maybe there is something you always wanted to try,
but you never have?
One boss asks another,
"Why do you employ married men exclusively?"
He goes, "You know,
they're used to insults,
are in no hurry to return home,"
Good morning, boss,
Good morning,
ZOFIA AND ARTUR
Can we talk now?
Who is texting?
Well, who? The holy spirit?
Guess,
Marek?
Who the fuck is Marek?
Your fucking ignored husband,
Yes,
Provoked infidelity syndrome,
Occurring most often with men,
sexual excitement achieved through persuasion of partner
to be involved in an affair or infidelity,
Mrs, Zielińska, Sorry to keep you waiting,
- Why are you laughing? - Sorry!
- You're amused? - You surprised me, Again,
- Really? - Yes, sorry, Go again,
Mrs, Zielińska,,,
- Don't laugh, or you'll spoil it, - Sorry,
- Mrs, Zielińska, - Detective,,,
I have to ask you a few questions,
Please, come in,
As I said, I'd like to ask you a few questions, if I may,
That depends,
On what?
Are you a good cop or a bad cop?
- What do you think? - A good cop,
Wrong,
Well?
Will you cooperate?
Take me,
What if your husband comes back?
Screw him, Take me,
That was amazing,
- Yeah, - You were amazing,
- You too, kitty, - Where did that come from?
No idea,
You really were that detective,
So strong,,,
I believed you,
- Really? - Oh yes,
Maybe you should be an actor,
- Honey, are you coming? - Yes, right now,
Sex-cosplay,
Sexual excitement resulting from role-playing,
Pretending someone you are not,
We kiss, and I just grab her by the hair,
We did it, right, Black?
Tell him, That's how it went down,
I impaled her in ten different positions,
- No way! - Really!
- How long did it take? - About two hours,
The best part was at the end, after all her orgasms,
Keep talking, man!
She kneeled down and blew me,
And I came everywhere, All over the room,
- Like they do in porn, Right, Black? - Holy crap,
- Do they even like that? - Man, all chicks watch porn,
How's it going with Iza?
She's romantic and sweet,
but all she wants to do is feed those swans,
TOMEK AND IZA
- She just texted me, - Really? Let me see!
- You won't believe it, - Show me!
You won't believe it, Look at this!
Want to drop by to watch some movie?
Dude, go get her like in pornos,
I'm leaving,
Okay,
Addiction to pornography is dangerous, especially for the young,
It can distort their idea of sex,
creating internal pressure to copy sexual behaviors and relations,
- Dad! - What?
- And girls,,, do they,,, - What?
Never mind,
Dear Tomek,,,
- How was it at the doctor's? - Okay,
- Did she say anything interesting? - We need to keep trying,
Well, sure,
Only quitters are loser,
Remember that,
She said one thing,
She said it could help if I had an orgasm during sex,
You always do,
That's what I told her,
There,
Chin up,
We can do this,
We have each other, right?
Now or after dinner?
Now and after dinner?
Let me take this,
What's wrong?
My dad is dead,
He had a heart attack,
I have never seen you cry,
Dacryphilia,
Provoking crying or tears in a partner
to achieve arousal or sexual satisfaction,
If not for my brother, it wouldn't have worked,
A house move can cause depression,
It's at the top of the list of the most traumatic events in life,
Really?
Read about it online,
But you guys are doing great,
You know what's higher on that list?
Marriage,
To your wedding,
Olek!
You've been together for, what, five years?
Seven,
That long? Really?
Now, all that's left is pop,,, and pop, right?
We're not like that,
Well, we discussed it!
That's right,
We always laughed at that whole circus,
You could have told us that before you became our best man,
Let me help you with those noodles,
Domestic problems?
What? No, Nothing like that,
Okay, Yes, some,
Spit it out,
Olek,,,
- Have you ever raped anyone? - Who says so?
What? No one!
Dude, don't surprise me like that,
All sorts of shit happened in school, you know,
- The thing is that Maja,,, - What about her?
She wants me to rape her,
What were you thinking?
- It's not funny, - It is a little,
Ever heard of such a thing?
- I may have, - This is absurd!
Undoable!
Rape? Your own girl?
Tough,
She wants someone to rape her,
but for her to feel safe, it has to be you,
You can't show it to her that it's you,
but it can't be anyone else,
Tough,
Think of it as an acting assignment,
Step into the role,
Stanislavski,
You know the guy?
Stanislavski's system, Have you heard of it?
You have to feel like a rapist,
Think like a rapist,
Live like a rapist,
And then you'll rape her,
I don't know,
Do your research first,
That's the key thing in this profession,
Good morning, Mrs, Kamińska, Sorry I'm late,
Miss Kamińska,
Please, sit up,
You look very sexy in that lab coat, doctor,
- I have the test results, - Yes?
But you'll have to examine me again, yes?
No,
The results leave no doubts,
I don't have good news,
I was a very naughty girl,
- You have gonorrhea, - What's that?
- Gonorrhea, - That doesn't sound very sexy,
Unfortunately,
It's at an advanced stage,
I'll prescribe an antibiotic, It should work,
Take care of yourself, drink plenty of water,,,
Come back for a check-up in two weeks,
No divorce,
You want to talk about it now?
You've been ignoring me all day,
Zosia, do you remember how we met?
- That bonfire on that sailing trip, - I remember,
That kiss in the rain, We used to be different people,
I remember,
I don't want a divorce either, but I can't go on like this,
So, you want a divorce,
I do,
I need something else,
Someone else, Is that what you meant?
I meant exactly what I said,
I said exactly what I meant,
Will all our conversations be about this now?
- All our conversations are fights, - Right,
Whose fault is that?
Great idea with this dinner,
What are you doing now, Marek?
I'm thinking of you,
And I'm thinking of you,
How's your sea trout?
Exquisite, And your duck?
What are you wearing?
Lace lingerie,
Fishbone,
How about you?
Nothing,
Goodnight,
I'm making love to my wife, thinking of you,
Fuck, Marek, stop it!
- Don't snarl at me! - You'll wake up the neighbors,
Hi, kiddo,
Easy, this is my man,
We're just playing games, Nothing's happening here,
Girls like this stuff, I mean, she does,
How did you know?
I just know your smell,
Nice of you to try,
Is that my eye pencil?
You know how much it costs?
Pick up the groceries,
I have a plan,
- What plan? - How to get Iza in bed,
Parents are always around, but I figured it out,
What?
My friends are going camping,
- Camping? Are you nuts? - There's this spot by the river,
Great parties with lots of people there,
So I thought, maybe we could go together?
How old are you, fucking seventy?
- I know how it sounds, but,,, - I've never been camping,
It's a great opportunity to give it a try then,
But who goes camping these days?
My parents fell in love when camping,
Just don't tell her that, man,
Tents are portable contraceptives, Forget it,
But actually, I like this idea of yours,
It will be romantic,
Right,,,
That was the point,
Just remember, Chicks need to know who's in charge,
So, Black? Shall we go?
Let's go,
- See you, - Thanks!
HOW DO YOU RAPE A GIRL?
Marek?
- What are you up to? - Nothing, that's just foolishness,
No need for that,
Dad?
Look at all the lichens, These yellow ones are new,
- What? - We need to talk,
Sure, Talk,
I don't want to, but I have to go camping,
We very well know what you'll be doing there,
Don't know that myself, Everyone's going,
Last week, I was at White's party, and no parents were there,
I wouldn't mind, but your mom will,
Didn't you meet while camping?
- That's right, - Then what's the problem?
Son, how can I explain this,,,
Mom is no longer the person she used to be,
But I'm working on it,
Work faster,
Don't teach your father how to make children,
Oh Jesus, You don't know,
About what?
Let me go camping and don't tell mom,
No way, son,
First, tell me, then I'll decide,
- Will you let me go? - Tomek!
Mom's having an affair,
- What? - You heard me,
Sure, Come on, not here,
Don't look back,
How do you know?
She asked me to clean her phone,
There were texts there, from and to some Marek,
That's no problem,
I know this Marek,
What the fuck? Have you seen his texts?
I have because,,, I mean,,,
Firstly, don't read mom's texts,
- Are you divorcing? - No, we're not!
- So, can I go? - No!
I'll tell mom you've seen the texts,
- Go fucking camping, - Thanks,
I'll deal with it, Thanks?
Blackmailer,
Ala?
What's wrong?
The car's all flooded,
How come?
- Did you open the roof? - Me? No!
- It opened itself? - Did it rain?
Be honest, did you tamper with the car?
I know nothing about cars, I don't even touch it,
That piece of junk keeps breaking, Maybe it's the roof now,
It's okay,
I know how important the car is to you,
All that work was in vain,
I'm sorry,
The world is taking everything away from you,
Everything important,
First, your father, and now this,
- What's this? - Let's go!
Are you kidding? There is a flood there,
Here too,
- Why don't we reschedule? - Sure,
Don't go,
You'd make the biggest mistake of my life,
I've been afraid of growing old,
Now, I'm just afraid of growing old without you,
You startled me!
I have a surprise for you,
I was watching that,
,,,without you,
What's up?
Nothing,
Really?
Okay,
Talk to me,
Remember what that sexologist said about communication?
Yes, I remember well what he said about that,
I also remembered when our next appointment was,
How about you?
I'm an idiot,
I'm a foolish monkey, I clean forgot!
Sorry, This won't happen again,
I hope so,
I've got something for you,
- What have you got for me? - A surprise!
Voila, Open it,
Go on,
- A camcorder! - A camera, baby,
A camera for our makeovers,
- How much was it? - Who cares?
- We were saving for a vacation, - Right,
And now, we'll film ourselves,
and watch what we did wrong,
Will that get you going? When we dress up and watch that?
Of course,
Absolutely,
We need an audience,
Want to give it a try?
I have the costumes,
I've prepared a small play,
Everything I ordered came in,
What that supposed to men?
And action!
I heard
that you were a very naughty boy,
And I
like naughty boys very much,
What?
The camera!
Sorry!
Well,,,
what are you in for, stud,
Assault,
Sexual assault,
I'm sure she enjoyed it,
He,
For fuck's sake,
What?
How can I get aroused when you say you molested some guy?
Do you have any idea what goes on in prison?
My character went through a lot,
You smell it? Something's burning,
Fuck! The lamp!
Help me with this, Grab it here,
Dad always told me to be a man,
I'm trying, dad,
I'm trying to be like you,
Tough,
Task-oriented,
Dammit,
I can't do go on,
I'll miss you, dad,
At least the camera's okay,
What are we doing?
Well? From the top?
Of what?
The scene,
- The scene? - Yeah,
Do you remember why we started this?
Well,,,
For sex?
For our marriage,
Our marriage,
I don't know who you are anymore,
Look at yourself,
Just wait!
Guard,,,
how about we have some fun before you go?
Let me help you,
What are you doing? Are you nuts?
- I just want to comfort you, - That's new,
You've been harassing me all the time lately,
- You're making me think of dad, - Honey, that's not true,
Really?
You played Mufasa's death scene three times to me,
Three times, What's wrong with you?
Nothing,
I know you inside out,
I can see you're hiding something, Tell me what this is about,
I should told you long ago,
As soon as I noticed something,
I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm sick!
What do you mean?
I'm so afraid to tell you this,
Is it,,,
Is it cancer?
I can't lose you, Tell me it's not cancer,
It could be a bit of a cancer,
What do you mean a bit?
Doctors aren't sure,
God,,, honey,
- We'll fight this, - Yes,
We just have to be strong,
Just not too strong,
I'll send a photo to my mom,
- Do you like it here? - It's beautiful,
Told you it was awesome,
This is it,
I'll pitch the tent,
He wants something different in bed, but we never talk about it,
What do you think?
When I suggested we watch an adult movie, she just laughed,
Only because you picked the porn version of Game of Thrones ,
What can I say? I'm a fan,
There was a dwarf there!
Once I touch you, I'll throw myself at you,
And what do you think?
Most problems in relationships are due to a lack of sincerity,
A lack of communication of one's needs or desires,
Fear of being judged by the partner,
being rejected, ridiculed,
Telling the other person about one's feelings requires courage,
but the truth purifies,
The sales level of our services should increase,,,
Once I touch you, I'll throw myself at you,
You are so passionate, My husband forgot all about that,
When I look at you, I lose control,
Marek, let's meet outside the office,
- First, dress as Khaleesi, - Right,
You can manage without me,
Hello, doctor, Looking for the boss?
No, I mean, yes, I'll find her myself,
Well?
Everything's great,
I'm ready,
The report, yes,
Just a moment, boss, I'm on it,
Don't worry,
No one can hear us, We're alone here,
What you wrote moves me,
Provoked infidelity syndrome,
Occurring most often with men,
sexual excitement achieved through persuasion of partner
to be involved in an affair or infidelity,
Oh my god,,,
Gosh, sorry,
I'll text you, Marek,
What was that?
I think she liked my report,
Stop it!
I thought you had dropped something,
Stay away from her, troglodyte!
Well!
Come on!
How beautiful!
I love you, you know?
I do,
I love you too,
- Are you nuts? - Jeez,,,
What the hell?
- Oh god, sorry, - You,,,
What was your plan?
Well,,,
- You wanted to shag me! - No! I mean,,,
That's why you grabbed my hair and patted me on my butt?
Who do you think you are?
Nobody, I don't know what got into me,,,
You've been a naughty boy,
- You need to be punished, - What?
I don't want any whining here!
Dominatrix,
A woman who assumes the dominant role in a sexual relationship,
Good luck with the car,
You don't want me to go with you?
No,,,
It's nothing pleasant,
Call me after,
What the heck?
Artur, I'll be back a little later, I'm going to the hairdresser,
- Excuse me, Came to pee? - No, come on,
- Unless you'd like to, - No, no,
Can't see much,
Nice crowd today,
- What's this? - I came to watch, And you?
Such lovely ladies,
You know, gentlemen,
My wife died in 1990, and she continues to be dead,
All I can do is look back and reminisce,
- And back at home,,, - Excuse me, may I?
Here you go,
That is my wife,
He's peeping at his own wife! Pervert!
Let me see,
Right there!
I'll be right back,
Did you reach the doctor's?
We are about to begin,
Damn bitch,
How can you say that about your wife?
Goodbye,
- She did go to the hairdresser, - Are you done?
Here,
Marek, I want to leave Artur, Let's meet,
Goddamn bitch!
Massage those feet!
Sure, tonight, at the Elles Bar, At 10 p,m,
Squeeze them, you slut!
- Goodbye, - Bye,
Is that the doctor?
She deals with cancer?
Come up with a new lie, please, I'm listening,
You're really in hospital, and you just went out for your nails,
Come on,
My father is dead, get it?
You are harassing me,
She wrecked my car,
You're telling me you have cancer?
I can't stop crying because of you,
To the point of dehydration,
What's going on, woman?
I didn't kill your father,
I kept lying to you, You know what the biggest lie was?
I don't have orgasms with you,
For years now,
What are you saying?
To get pregnant with you, I have to have an orgasm,
You know what I've discovered?
Your tears arouse me,
When you're covered in tears, I come,
Now you know everything,
Bravo! Fantastic! Dear ladies, Alicja!
I didn't know it was possible, but you outbid cancer,
If you want to actually talk, give me a call,
I'm sorry,
What the hell is this? Ala!
Stop!
You're offended? Typical,
We need to communicate!
That's what I'm saying, Can you hear yourself?
You're so deep in motivational crap that you can't talk to me,
Communication involves two parties,
I don't want to communicate with you!
I want to talk to you and experience emotions,
I want to be able to tell you about my orgasms,
But the truth would mean that you are not perfect!
You're right,
You are sick,
I'm not living with a psycho, I'm done,
I did all I could to give you a child, And you know what?
I'm glad that we failed,
So am I,
Believe me,
- Just wait,,, - Back to cancer?
I have to lie down,
Jesus,,,
Should I lie down too?
I beg you, give it a rest,
Get up, Come on,,,
You can open your eyes, No one's fooled, sorry,
- Come on, - What's wrong?
It's just a show,
- The lady has cancer, - Ala,,,
The actor's assistant! She's putting on a show!
Call an ambulance,
- She's pretending! - Right the fuck now!
Ala,,,
Is your wife sick?
No,
I mean yes,
Cancer,
I mean,,,
I don't know,
Excuse me?
She may have cancer,
But I can't be sure,
It's possible she's clean,
It's complicated,
You don't know if your wife has cancer?
I don't know anything about her,
I didn't wait for the ambulance, Didn't want to be late,
You should have heard what they shouted at each other,
It was really something,
Communication in a relationship is very important,
To our relationship, love,
- I have something for you, - Really?
This time I made an effort,
Really?
You're not nuts or anything?
On the contrary,
Right,
Let me,
Earrings,
Do you like them?
They're beautiful,
How did you know I dreamed of these?
I know you,
Very nice,
Nice phone,
- We could use it, right? - Sure,
Take the phone and leave us alone,
- You got what you wanted, - Not really,
We could use such a nice pussy too,
Marek,,,
Scram, okay?
Really?
Marek!
Shut up, bitch, shut up!
Help!
Shut up, you slut!
- Help! - Can it, I said!
Marek!
Marek,,,
Marek!
- No passage, - I need to get something,
- Gas leak, sorry, - There's gas here?
There's a failure,
You want to be there when it blows?
- Well, no, - Hence no passage,
Help!
Someone's lying there!
- Was that the plan? - Don't know,
- Maybe it's the gas, - What gas?
Help!
- Is it the gas? - Call an ambulance,
Sure,
Marek,,,
Honey, it's okay,,,
It's okay,
- What are you doing? - Calling,
Honey, wake up, Marek!
I would like to report,,, I mean, call an ambulance,
Failing again?
It just buzzes a little,
AMELIA AND MAKS
If you can't hear, you won't work here long,
It's ok,
Just don't tell anyone,
I need this job,
I'm going to my mother's,
Think about what you want in life,
That's easy,
You,
Are you sure?
You don't look at me at all,
- You're home late, - It's my work,
Bullshit,
I called your brother, You know what he told me?
That you signed up for acting lessons,
So what?
Really?
Where did that come from? You'll be an actor now?
It was your idea,
When we started dressing up,
you said I could be a famous actor, right?
I don't think so,
That's not the point,
The point is you didn't tell me,
I was embarrassed,
How could I ever be an actor?
That's crazy,
Crazy?
It's preposterous,
- Come on,,, - It's preposterous!
Ola, don't go,
Don't leave me,
If you go, you'll make the biggest mistake of my life,
I've been afraid of growing old,
Now, I'm just afraid
of growing old without you,
Okay,,,
It's okay,
- Fucking hell! - What?
- It's in there, - What?
In my eye,
Tiger balm!
Burns like hell!
Why was it in your eye?
You put it there to make yourself cry,
They showed us in acting class,
It was an act?
You couldn't tell?
You wacko,
How could I ever think you'd make a good,,,
Actor?
Husband,
You suck as an actor,
What happened to you?
- Where is my Olek? - Come on, give me a break,
Fuck Olek, okay?
Olek is stupid and hopeless,
He's hopeless!
I can be better than him!
I'm fucking sick of him!
Me too,
A little too strong,
A little too strong, Olek,
Fuck,
Welcome to Videocom,
I am Amelia,
What number would you like me to call?
You have reached the Fuck Line, Which of our sluts would you like?
Excuse me?
- The Fuck Line, Pick your slut, - Excuse me, please, wait a second,
That must be a mistake, That's a service for adults,
You know, For adults,
I am an adult,
I know,
But that's a sex line!!
Scatophilia,
Sexual arousal and satisfaction
achieved during obscene phone calls,
Whom do you want to talk to?
I'm Amelia,,, - Don't care,
Whom do you want?
Yes, sorry,
Whom do you want to talk to?
What are the options?
- Depends what turns you on,
- What turns you on? - What do they have?
What do you have?
Lesbian, hetero sex, for couples,
Fetishes, big boobs, small boobs,
Dominatrix, Asians, Blacks, Blondes,
Group sex, SM, anal,
Squirting, pissing, midgets, fatties, bukkake,
Just tell us what interests you,
They have hetero sex and blonds,
That's all?
That's all,
You sure?
No busty ladies?
The blond hetero then,
I'd like a blonde hetero, please,
Connecting,
He's connecting,
Hey, it's Sabina, Who am I talking to?
Hey, it's Amelia,
Hey, You sound cool,
I rarely talk to women,
but today I'm so horny I'll make an exception,
No, no,
I'm Amelia, calling from the Videocom company,
I have a guy who uses sign language on the line,
I'll help you communicate,
- What? - I'll be your translator,
Let me explain it to her,
I'll pass your words to him in sign language,
He will answer in sign language, and that way you'll communicate,
Is he deaf? I mean, deaf and dumb?
Yes, deaf,
So he can't hear me?
No, he can't,
You'll show him what I say?
Yes, in sign language,
That's something,
I know a few words in sign language,
How did it go?
I know "fuck",,,
and "sunset,"
"Sunset" is nice,
Can he see what I'm doing?
No, you're talking on the phone,
He sees me,
Of course,
I get it,
Listen, what does he look like?
You could say he's handsome,
Really? Handsome in what way? Like Brad Pitt or,,,
Could we start?
Sorry, of course, What was his name?
Address me as if you were speaking directly to him,
Okay, What's your name?
- What is your name? - Maks,
Maks,
- This takes a while, - Yes, there's a delay,
What are you up to at this hour, Maks?
What are you doing now?
Finishing work, And you?
Finishing work, the usual, And you?
I was waiting for you to call,
- What are you wearing? - A pink bra and panties, and you?
Just boxers,
Really, just boxers?
No, he has a hoodie,
I knew it!
- Don't tell her that! - What?
- Take them off! - Sorry, wait a moment,
What is it?
Don't tell her about my hoodie!
I didn't!
I can lip read!
I'm sorry,
No worries,
I forgive you, You said I was handsome,
I did not!
I got it off your lips,
Are you there? What the hell?
Yes, sorry, What were you saying?
Take off the boxers,
- Take off the boxers, - Done,
- They're off, - Are you hard?
- Excuse me? - This is some challenge,
- Ask about his boner, - Sure,
Are you hard?
Tell her I am, Go with that,
Yes, he's got a boner,
Would you like to put your hard cock in my mouth?
Let's assume he says "yes," - Has he?
Not yet, but it seems he will,
Ask him then,
He says yes, What a surprise,
What do you want me to do now, lover?
Spit on my dick
to make it all slimy,
Hello, what should I do?
We have technical difficulties, Wait a moment, please,
Jesus,,,
- I'm not comfortable with that, - It's your job!
I'm not okay with translating this!
Then turn me over to someone who is,
As you wish,
I love having your dick in my mouth,
Just put the girl back on,
Yes?
Forgive me, It has to be you, Please!
Okay,
Thank you,
- Hello, are you there? - Yes, and you?
Yes, sorry, I'll back up a bit,
Earlier, he asked for you to spit on his penis to make it all slimy,
Tell him I have, Spit everywhere, He's slimy as fuck,
What do you want?
He wants to put his penis inside you,,,
into your vagina,
Oh, yeah, So awesome!
I'm all wet!
How wonderful!
Put your huge cock inside me!
Go deep!
Make it hurt!
Swallow the damn thing!
You can spit it out, but you'll still have to swallow it!
Now, you're all sticky, and I'll have to clean this up,
What is she saying?
Excuse me, I'm a little confused, What does he have to swallow?
Don't tell him that, I said it to grandma,
Don't tell him that either,
I have do something here, Could you take over for a minute?
Absolutely not,
Can you hear this?
My grandma had a stroke,
I need this job, I'm begging you for a minute,
It's easier than you think,
Okay,
Thanks,
Just tell him how much you want his awesome cock inside you,
Hello?
Crap,
Your cock is,,, awesome!
Do you want him to fuck you hard or gently?
Delicately,,,
- I want it hard! - She said "delicately"!
So what? It's my money,
I want to fuck her hard!
Then why did you ask?
He wants to fuck you hard,
She says okay for now,
but next time start delicately, and then go,,, you know,
- That's what she likes? - Yes,
You didn't even ask,
I can hear her moan,
She likes it, trust me, What's next?
Does she want it up her ass?
What?
Does she want me to stick my cock in her ass?
She wants to cuddle now,
You didn't ask her!
She's not even there!
- I'm listening to her, - BS!
- I'm back, - Thank goodness,
What's up?
Looks like he's fucking you hard from behind in the ass,
That went fast,
I told him that too, What's next?
Tell him it's the biggest dick I've had in my life,
I know, thanks,
- Well? - In my mouth?
- It was just in your bum, - So?
You want to put it in her mouth?
But it was just in her butt!
That's what I told her,
What's so funny?
- Is this a prank? - No, really,
Disconnect,
He wants to disconnect,
- Did he come? - Jesus,
- Okay, end it, - Disconnecting,
Thank you,
No, thank you,
This was the most fun conversation I've had on this job,
Do you have a regular phone?
No,
Wait, Don't go yet,
- Why aren't you sleeping yet? - Insomnia,
What do you do?
- I draw comic books, - Really?
One moment,
You drew that? I don't believe you,
Really, I'll show you something,
SPIT ON MY DICK
I have to go,
Really?
Goodnight, Maks,
Okay,,,
Goodnight, Amelia,
One more thing,,,
Fuck!
I like that tear,
It is very manly,
Are you okay?
I feel like I've lost my mind,
I'm sorry for all that I said and did,
We needed that, it's fine,
My communication coach would be proud of us,
Who spilled the beans?
What?
Who told you you're pregnant?
I'm pregnant?
You collapsed, undoubtedly, due to heat, dehydration, stress,
and the fourth week of pregnancy,
Congratulations,
Yes, yes, yes!
You'll be the best father in the world,
- Whisky, double, - Sure,
Run a tab, please,
Tough day?
You don't want to hear it,
My wife is meeting here with her lover,
Sorry, man, Nothing is worse,
It's not that bad, I'm the lover,
I don't follow,
My wife wants to leave me,
For her lover,
But I'm that lover, so,,,
she wants to come back to me, not leave me,
Except she doesn't know it's me,
So, when she finds it's me, she'll want to come back to me,
I think,
Or not,
I don't know anymore,
In 30 years, I've heard many strange stories,
But?
But what?
You've heard many strange stories, but mine is the strangest,
No, I've just heard a lot of strange stories,
Hit me again,
- Since when do you know? - From the start,
And you kept silent?
I liked,,,
I liked you, You've flourished,
Not for you,
Want to know why?
If you want to tell me,
His name is Marek,
But you know that,
In the last two weeks, Marek has shown me more attention,
attentiveness, and passion than you in the last 15 years,
That's true,
What?
I won't deny anything,
It's too late for that,
I want a divorce,
I won't live with someone who doesn't see me,
And Marek sees me,
He sees right through me,
You were like that too once, but that's gone,
- Zosia,,, - Don't touch me,
There is no Marek,
What do you mean?
I mean, there is one,
I know the guy,
Just,,,
It looks easier in movies,
There is no Marek because I am Marek,
You thought you were texting with him, but you were texting with me,
You have me for an idiot,
Would Marek see you right next to my office?
Never!
You could never be as romantic as he is,
Maybe long ago, in a different life,
Okay,
Call him, Now,
Okay, I'll call him,
- Right, - Okay!
You have his phone?
What? No, this is my phone,
Not his, mine!
Marek had a small accident, They took him to the hospital,
You beat him up?
Why would I? He did nothing wrong,
You didn't have an affair with Marek, but with me,
You scum!
Zosia,,,
Zosia, it was me!
Zosia,,,
On the house, I don't want to know,
- Marek Myciński, - Visiting hours are over,
This is a matter of life and death,
That's a new one here,
Marek?
Hi,
Did I work?
No,
It worked a little,
I was afraid and it wasn't fun,
Seems I'm not much of a rapist,
That's good, honey,
It was just a dumb fantasy, I'm sorry,
Could you hand me my jacket?
Here,
Check the left pocket,
The other left,
Normally, I'd kneel,,,
Will you marry me?
Yes! Yes!
Sorry!
So beautiful!
I came when I heard,,,
Good evening, boss,
Hello, sorry,
I,,,
Marek?
Marek,,,?
Did my husband have anything to do with this?
Who?
Artur, my husband,
Your husband?
He really helped us,
He called an ambulance, Fantastic guy,
Thank you,
Idiot,
Pardon?
No, no,,,
Not you,
Me,
All the best to you,
Before you ask, Tomek went camping,
July 14, 1993, at the lakes,
I will never forget that day,
Campfire, sailing,,,
and you,
I fell in love at first sight,
- I didn't want to light a fire inside, - Good call,
There was horrible rain, remember?
I do,
I love you, Zosia,
I'm sorry, I was no good,
Me too,
But what we had
is still smoldering,
We can still light it up,
And you played so nicely in that rain,
The state of being in love can be compared to a psychotic condition,
Vasopressin and oxytocin shots to the brain are responsible,
Unfortunately, this doesn't last long,
Later, you must consciously, at your own free will,
simply go crazy,
Look, White's sitting there, Hi there, White!
Ten years of sitting in jail is fine,
For hemorrhoids, I recommend Buttisan,
Buttisan, and you can sit it out with pleasure,
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